Who Do I think I Am?

I’m a fraud and everyone will find out!”

This nagging feeling creeps up on me from time to time when I go to write a blog or even sit with my clients.

I feel like a fraud because I struggle with the very same topics I write about. Things like balance, self-acceptance, and loving the shit out of your own life – I struggle with those things – a lot.

And I feel like the biggest hypocrite sometimes because – who am I to be talking about these things when I don’t even have a handle on them myself? Who am I to be giving out guidance?

The thing is, I teach what I need to learn. I write what my heart needs to be reminded of. I speak what I desperately need to hear.

That’s why I write about things like being mindful and breathing and grace. Because I too fail at those things and needed to be reminded of them on a daily basis. Hell, I practically need to tattooed them on my forehead.

However, I do believe that we can truly know something in our hearts and still struggle to live out those truths in our daily lives. I think we all struggle with closing the gap between who we want to be, and who we actually are now.

From my work with others though I have come to realize, I am not the only one who has no idea who she is, why she’s here, or what the hell she is doing sometimes. We all need to remind ourselves, again and again and again of our purpose and truth as we navigate through this life.

This is something it’s even harder to keep in mind today, when our lives unfold in public on Facebook and Twitter, and other well-designed web presences. We use these platforms to showcase the best parts of our lives: the  weddings, vacations, the finished projects, and testimonials from satisfied clients. But we forget that we’re only seeing everyone else’s highlights, too—not the sleepless nights, the abandoned attempts, the moments of despair and self-doubt.

My favorite thing to write about is how no one has any idea what they’re doing, myself included. I can write a piece about showing up for my kids and then find myself needing a break from them in the same day. I am constantly learning and relearning. Failing and succeeding. Always a work in progress.

That’s what I hope my work can be for you. A reminder. A little nugget of truth. A hope, a prayer, a wish. My own small slice of guidance to offer. And it’s nothing you haven’t heard before – nothing groundbreaking or Earth shattering. I’m just an echo of the small voice that lives inside of you. I’m reminding you of things you already know. I’m reminding you of who you already are. And I remind myself in the process.

I’m not perfect. No one is, especially not strangers on the internet. But maybe we don’t need perfect. Maybe we don’t need someone guiding us from some sort of enlightened, state. Maybe what we need is someone who’s doing the work along side of us. Someone else who is down mucking in the mud. Someone that cheers, “okay, we’ve got this. We’re doing this. Let’s go.”

Sometimes I wonder what do I really have to share at the ripe age of 29, but I believe that we are never fully finished, that lessons aren’t learned in a “one and done” type fashion. I believe that if I waited until I had any wisdom to share, I’d could be waiting a  long time.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. I might not always remember to practice what I preach. I struggle to walk my own talk. But, I will assure you of this, I am trying. And that counts for something. Hell, it might just count for everything.

 

 

With a Grateful Heart,

sam_signiture

2 thoughts on “Who Do I think I Am?

  1. I would much rather be talking to someone who doesn’t have it all together. When you coach people, you are a real person, not someone who has it all figured out, its refreshing and nice to have someone else navigating life with you! Don’t let that negative self talk get to you, I’m sure you make a difference in many a life, with your “messes” and all 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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