Talking to Yourself

Awestruck and thunderstruck. Completely amazed at what my body just accomplished…but now…..

What just HAPPENED?

The first few days after giving birth were very trying this time around. Not only did I have a brand new baby and healing to do, this time there was also my high energy toddler to take care of. This meant, I wasn’t able to rest when the baby slept and that laying around all day (because my hips felt like they were gonna break off) was also not an option.

I think I speak for most women when I say the days following the birth of your children are some of the highest highs and lowest lows.

Day 3, I became aware of how much my mind was overrun and tangled with undesirable thought patterns. I was so overwhelmed with it all and my post baby body. Once I became aware of the thoughts that were playing on repeat in my head I made the decision that day to make a shift.

I told myself it was time to hold supportive, loving and constructive thoughts, for myself and my family’s well being. That day was the toughest, but I pushed through and was mindful of the inner chatter throughout the day (not just in meditation). It was also one of the first days I got dressed and put effort back into my appearance.

“To custom build your outside reality it is imperative to address the inner self talk.”

Paying constant attention to your thoughts and inner dialogue is hard work. Changing your own mind takes persistence and passion. And if it feels like your carrying a gorilla up a mountain then you are doing it right.

“Self talk is a little like gravity. It’s an invisible force there everyday weighing things down if you let it.”

As I previously mentioned this is not a blog about pregnancy and child birth but by sharing personal struggles with my readers I am aiming to inspire others to take action. So even if you haven’t had a baby this post is still for you.

Here are my tips for changing your inner chatter from a garden of weeds to a garden in bloom:

Don’t focus on letting go, instead, focus on what you want to let into your life. The more you focus on what you don’t want the more stressed and insecure you’ll feel. Start to ask yourself what do you want more of in your life? This means focusing on the exciting feelings or things that will improve your life. Don’t waste energy on the past or what you can’t control.

Avoid all-or-nothing thinking. This thinking style is known as a cognitive distortion. This often involves using absolute terms, such as never, always, nothing, or every. This type of  thinking can also include an inability to see the alternatives in a situation or solutions to a problem. It makes you feel stuck and insecure. When you notice yourself thinking in all-or-nothing terms, change your thoughts by simply looking for a gray area.

Talk to yourself differently. Instead of beating yourself up when you make a mistake, ask yourself: “How would I like to be supported in this situation?” Talk to yourself like a supportive friend or family member would. Or, try to put yourself in their shoes and notice how much kinder their statement is.

Give yourself credit for the small things, they add up. Yes, we all have to clean our rooms and shower but if you’re stressed or depressed it can be really hard. Give yourself credit. Notice that you’ve done something good for yourself. Even if you are not done with a huge project, take a moment to focus on what you have done, don’t just wait until it’s complete

Get grateful. Gratitude can really influence your attitude. Take a minute to think of everything in this moment that you’re really thankful or grateful for. If you are mindful of the positives in your life you’ll create more positive thoughts and energy.

Improve the moment. If you find that your negative thoughts are hard to shake, look for what you have control over or how you can improve your mood in the moment. Say your inner critic is taking over your mind on your way to work. Do something that interrupts the negative thoughts (call a friend, listen to a funny podcast or turn up the music). It will help your mind turn towards the positives in your life.

The best part about ending this relationship with negative self-talk is that every time you notice one of these pesky thoughts, the more empowered you will become. Sure, it can be annoying to try and change your thoughts, but stick with it.

My tip for new moms?  In a few words: love your baby, love yourself, and love your life.  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing those things.


With a Grateful Heart,



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